Seth (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
powerdealer) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bigapplesauce2015-01-14 09:32 am
powerdealer) wrote in bigapplesauce2015-01-14 09:32 am
Entry tags:
[closed] Me? Well, I'm well. Well, I mean, I'm in hell...
[Warning: This thread deals mainly with drug withdrawal, so there's gonna be a lot of heavy subjects. And also pining.]
Seth waits a good while after he gets the last text from Daniel, since it'll take him at the very least a good forty minutes to get downtown. However, waiting is not currently exactly his favourite activity.
For one thing, he immediately regrets texting Daniel in the first place. He should just deal with this on his own. It's his mess, there's no point in dragging anyone else into it, he should just suck it up. But then he didn't really know how to play it off as unimportant without raising questions. Plus, doesn't Daniel deserve to know? Not that that's stopped Seth from hiding it from Gabe...
But the main thing that stops him from going back on it, and that made him text Daniel in the first place, is Seth just really wants him to be there. He's in pain and he's scared and he's struggling. Daniel has proved himself willing and capable of being a supportive and caring friend in such a situation. Seth trusts him. Daniel would make this situation better. Seth can hate himself for being selfish, but it doesn't seem to stop him from dragging friends into his problems.
He's considered reaching out to Johnny, since he actually knows about Seth's drug habit, but it just doesn't seem fair to make him keep something like this from Gabriel. Not to mention Johnny probably has a lot of things he'd rather be doing, and troubles of his own without Seth piling on his.
And Seth just keeps coming back to the one basic fact that he has trouble denying; he wants to have Daniel here. He desperately wants Daniel to look after him and tell him it's gonna be alright, because Daniel makes it so much easier to believe when he says it. Even if it means Daniel seeing Seth like this. Even if it means telling Daniel about his drug use. It's not like Daniel doesn't already know what a mess Seth is, right? This is a fucking terrible thing to have to deal with, and Seth wants to allow himself the comfort of Daniel's presence.
He keeps running through all this in mind, anxiety tearing at him, even if he can't very well change his mind now. So thirty minutes after the last text from Daniel, Seth pushes himself shakily to his feet. His entire body aches as he pulls on a light jacket over his sweaty long-sleeved shirt and pulls up the hood, hiding his tired face, rings under his eyes from insomnia. As he reaches the door of the cramped hotel room, he has to reach out and grab the wall for support, lightheaded from an emptied stomach. Perhaps he should've reached out sooner.
But he makes it outside, through an exit that gratefully doesn't take him past the reception. He can just slip out, reasonably unnoticed. He'd asked Daniel to meet him just barely down the street from the hotel, although the walk seems a lot longer now than it did when he arrived.
And then it's back to the waiting again. He leans against the wall, head down, nervously tapping his fingers on his phone in his pocket. He feels terribly exposed, waiting around outside in such a weakened state, and it's really not doing his paranoia any favours. He really hates waiting.
Seth waits a good while after he gets the last text from Daniel, since it'll take him at the very least a good forty minutes to get downtown. However, waiting is not currently exactly his favourite activity.
For one thing, he immediately regrets texting Daniel in the first place. He should just deal with this on his own. It's his mess, there's no point in dragging anyone else into it, he should just suck it up. But then he didn't really know how to play it off as unimportant without raising questions. Plus, doesn't Daniel deserve to know? Not that that's stopped Seth from hiding it from Gabe...
But the main thing that stops him from going back on it, and that made him text Daniel in the first place, is Seth just really wants him to be there. He's in pain and he's scared and he's struggling. Daniel has proved himself willing and capable of being a supportive and caring friend in such a situation. Seth trusts him. Daniel would make this situation better. Seth can hate himself for being selfish, but it doesn't seem to stop him from dragging friends into his problems.
He's considered reaching out to Johnny, since he actually knows about Seth's drug habit, but it just doesn't seem fair to make him keep something like this from Gabriel. Not to mention Johnny probably has a lot of things he'd rather be doing, and troubles of his own without Seth piling on his.
And Seth just keeps coming back to the one basic fact that he has trouble denying; he wants to have Daniel here. He desperately wants Daniel to look after him and tell him it's gonna be alright, because Daniel makes it so much easier to believe when he says it. Even if it means Daniel seeing Seth like this. Even if it means telling Daniel about his drug use. It's not like Daniel doesn't already know what a mess Seth is, right? This is a fucking terrible thing to have to deal with, and Seth wants to allow himself the comfort of Daniel's presence.
He keeps running through all this in mind, anxiety tearing at him, even if he can't very well change his mind now. So thirty minutes after the last text from Daniel, Seth pushes himself shakily to his feet. His entire body aches as he pulls on a light jacket over his sweaty long-sleeved shirt and pulls up the hood, hiding his tired face, rings under his eyes from insomnia. As he reaches the door of the cramped hotel room, he has to reach out and grab the wall for support, lightheaded from an emptied stomach. Perhaps he should've reached out sooner.
But he makes it outside, through an exit that gratefully doesn't take him past the reception. He can just slip out, reasonably unnoticed. He'd asked Daniel to meet him just barely down the street from the hotel, although the walk seems a lot longer now than it did when he arrived.
And then it's back to the waiting again. He leans against the wall, head down, nervously tapping his fingers on his phone in his pocket. He feels terribly exposed, waiting around outside in such a weakened state, and it's really not doing his paranoia any favours. He really hates waiting.