"So far this hasn't affected anyone but us," he argues, looking straight back at Tim now, no longer ducking and avoiding eye contact. "It's only been in our fucking dreams, like always, dreams are different here but other than that..."
All right, fine, so this isn't really helpful. He lets out a frustrated grunt and rakes a hand through his hair.
"I went in and got you out because I had to," he says. "It was my fault and I'm not gonna let anyone - I fucked up, Tim, okay, I know that, I fucked up so much, but I'm not - I'm not leaving you again, okay? That's all I have, I can't do anything else, I can't fix this."
Oh god.
His hands are shaking.
Because he's never said that before, never admitted it really, he can't fix this, it's broken, he's broken, they're broken, and they cannot be fixed.
Alex was right, he wasn't making anything better, he made it all worse, and he never saw that until now. He had to die and be brought back to life somewhere else to see it.
"I don't know what's gonna happen and there might be nothing we can do," he says, his voice losing its edge and dropping into a sort of pathetic wobble. "But I wasn't gonna leave you there and... and I'm not gonna let anyone..."
Yeah, yeah, what are you gonna do, useless little fuck. It was Daine who kept you from the same fate, who got you in, and Seth who unlocked the door. All you did was lead Tim out again. Run without leaving him. That, at least, is a first.
"You're all I have," he says finally, and it comes out really small and stupid and pathetic, and he drops his head down into his hands, fingers tangling into his hair. "And I feel like if I make anymore mistakes I - I can't afford to, and I can't afford to lose you because without you I'm dead. We've seen that. That's what happens. I need you, Tim."
Jesus Christ.
He feels like he's gonna cry. He better not.
This is so stupid. He wants to just disappear. Right into the earth.
"I don't know what else to say," he whispers right before his voice gives out altogether.
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All right, fine, so this isn't really helpful. He lets out a frustrated grunt and rakes a hand through his hair.
"I went in and got you out because I had to," he says. "It was my fault and I'm not gonna let anyone - I fucked up, Tim, okay, I know that, I fucked up so much, but I'm not - I'm not leaving you again, okay? That's all I have, I can't do anything else, I can't fix this."
Oh god.
His hands are shaking.
Because he's never said that before, never admitted it really, he can't fix this, it's broken, he's broken, they're broken, and they cannot be fixed.
Alex was right, he wasn't making anything better, he made it all worse, and he never saw that until now. He had to die and be brought back to life somewhere else to see it.
"I don't know what's gonna happen and there might be nothing we can do," he says, his voice losing its edge and dropping into a sort of pathetic wobble. "But I wasn't gonna leave you there and... and I'm not gonna let anyone..."
Yeah, yeah, what are you gonna do, useless little fuck. It was Daine who kept you from the same fate, who got you in, and Seth who unlocked the door. All you did was lead Tim out again. Run without leaving him. That, at least, is a first.
"You're all I have," he says finally, and it comes out really small and stupid and pathetic, and he drops his head down into his hands, fingers tangling into his hair. "And I feel like if I make anymore mistakes I - I can't afford to, and I can't afford to lose you because without you I'm dead. We've seen that. That's what happens. I need you, Tim."
Jesus Christ.
He feels like he's gonna cry. He better not.
This is so stupid. He wants to just disappear. Right into the earth.
"I don't know what else to say," he whispers right before his voice gives out altogether.