Maybe to her, it's an honest question. Even if it were his home, it would still be a reasonable question. Despite it, his shoulders drop briefly in a movement suggestive of the uncomfortable shuffling of feet.
'Accident' he'd said, and it hadn't exactly been untrue. He hadn't conformed to any of the stipulations the Others insisted upon - he'd broken rules, he'd circumvented them countless times, twisted loopholes upon loopholes, discussed or negotiated his way out of punishment, he'd acted arrogantly and brashly and self-righteously. And it had placed him beyond anyone's help, placed him in a position where he was left mnemonically scrubbed, mind empty and open, cast into physical flesh. He'd never wanted it, he'd never believed himself worthy until that doubt had been riven open and Oma had extended that road to him.
"It's not really a consistent thing," he says slowly, looking away. "And I'm - well. I'm an anomaly. It's not really for humans, not really for anyone at that level in the evolutionary scale."
Could he? If she was dying, if there was no other way, and if he had to -
The mass of his energy shifts, pulling deeper into itself. Maybe. Maybe he could. Maybe the effort would trigger some cessation of his existence. Maybe that wouldn't be so terrible.
tw: brief suicide ideation
Maybe to her, it's an honest question. Even if it were his home, it would still be a reasonable question. Despite it, his shoulders drop briefly in a movement suggestive of the uncomfortable shuffling of feet.
'Accident' he'd said, and it hadn't exactly been untrue. He hadn't conformed to any of the stipulations the Others insisted upon - he'd broken rules, he'd circumvented them countless times, twisted loopholes upon loopholes, discussed or negotiated his way out of punishment, he'd acted arrogantly and brashly and self-righteously. And it had placed him beyond anyone's help, placed him in a position where he was left mnemonically scrubbed, mind empty and open, cast into physical flesh. He'd never wanted it, he'd never believed himself worthy until that doubt had been riven open and Oma had extended that road to him.
"It's not really a consistent thing," he says slowly, looking away. "And I'm - well. I'm an anomaly. It's not really for humans, not really for anyone at that level in the evolutionary scale."
Could he? If she was dying, if there was no other way, and if he had to -
The mass of his energy shifts, pulling deeper into itself. Maybe. Maybe he could. Maybe the effort would trigger some cessation of his existence. Maybe that wouldn't be so terrible.