[closed] Do what you want, cause who knows, it might fill me up

[essentiallyharmless]

You might say it's self-indulgent
You might say it's self-destructive
But, you see, it's more productive
Than if I were to be happy

And sappy songs about sex and cheating
Bland accounts of two lovers meeting
Make me want to give mankind a beating

...

Lucy hasn't felt this at home in bar in almost a decade. She feels like she did in her early twenties. Which, unfortunately, is not a good thing. Directionless, trapped, scared, bored, wanting to act out but simultaneously terrified she'll fuck everything up. Wanting comfort but looking for it in all the wrong places.

Really, really just wanting to get drunk, maybe dance, probably have sex. Preferably with someone who won't ask too many questions, or know her well enough to realise she's acting out of character. Anyone who it won't matter if she breaks down over her visit to an abortion clinic yesterday. It's not self-destruction, it's just self-distraction.

Comments

[johnny_truant]

Johnny's taken to living out of bars lately. He wouldn't say he's avoiding Gabriel. He's just... giving Gabriel a wide berth. And also avoiding conversation, and eye contact, and any other kind of contact, with Gabriel.

And so he leaves early and stays out late, and he he drinks. Today he's been drinking off-and-on since about noon. Drinking, and looking at women.

He hasn't considered himself on the market in a while. On anyone's market. He's cycled from human wreckage to lost soul to several other unattractive, desperate-looking archetypes, and it's only now that he realizes he can start over. Start fresh.

Gabriel was interested, so why not someone else? Someone like...

He spots a possible opportunity at the bar, pale and blond and luxuriantly beautiful. Too classy to look twice at someone like him. But then, what's she doing in this shithole, dressed and looking like that? Anyway it's not like he's a spectacular judge of character - or that character is what he's concerned with. He's drunk enough to make snap decisions, so he slides not-very-casually into the seat beside her, setting his whiskey in front of him, and glances over to catch her eye.

He smiles, just a little one, lips closed (that's important, nobody wants to see a broken tooth right off the bat), head cocked slightly. He's been told this smile is "cute." Somebody told him that. Someone he's forgotten. Cute, harmless, pliable. That's his best shot.

[essentiallyharmless]

Lucy looks over when someone sits down next to her, giving him a once-over. Attractive, and quite definitely lacking the 'respectable boyfriend material' look, which is just as well. At the moment she can't abide anything that feels like affectation. Her first impression does also contain a bit of sweetness, so she decides to return the smile.

"Are you here to buy me a drink?" she asks, because hers is almost empty, and it's a practical enough way to open for conversation.

[johnny_truant]

"What're you having?" asks Johnny, tapping the counter to get the bartender's attention. Right now he's spending a mixture of leftover allowance from Gabriel and Jodie, which is a gift horse he's actively not bothering to investigate. Anyway, what else is he going to use it for? If not booze for her, then booze for himself.

[essentiallyharmless]

Allowance day is coming up this week, so it's not like she can't afford to use her own money, but why do that when it's so easy to get guys to do it for her? If she likes him, she can return the favour later.

"Frozen margarita, no salt," she answers, at the bartender rather than at Johnny. She can't stand the American lager, so she pretty much always resorts to cocktails.

"So, what brings you out drinking on a Tuesday?" she asks, leaning her elbows on the bar.

[johnny_truant]

Johnny sighs heavily, leans back and makes a show of thinking about it, even though there's really only one answer.

"No place better to be," he says, and looks back at her. "You?"

[essentiallyharmless]

"Terrible life decisions," she answers with a smile. It's both extremely accurate and purposefully vague, and also easy to brush off as a joke. "I'm Lucy."

[johnny_truant]

"Sounds incredibly familiar," he says, smiling, a willing conspirator in accurate-yet-vague-yet-joke. He holds out a hand. "Johnny. Nice to meet you."

He's gotten better at acting sober, or is he just getting better at being a functioning drunkard? Either way, this seems to be going okay.

[essentiallyharmless]

Lucy is very used to (occasionally less-than) functioning drunkards at this point, so she's not bothered. Especially in a bar.

"Likewise," she answers, taking his hand. And her drink's already arriving, so she takes it with a "Ta." and takes a sip, relishing the coolness in this somewhat stifling place.

"So, Johnny. What are you like in bed?" she asks matter-of-factly, looking at him without any trace of shyness. It's a trait that becomes more apparent the less emotionally stable she is, her being excessively blunt. She can rarely be bothered with what most people think of her anyway, and it gives her a certain amount of joy to wrong-foot and surprise guys this way, going against the impressions that her well-bred and dignified composure usually creates. Putting people at their ease is not exactly a priority of hers.

[johnny_truant]

Johnny manages not to spit his whiskey back out, though he struggles a bit to swallow it. "Uhhh," he says, blinking hard at the counter. He was not expecting it to be going this well. Or... is this good? He can't even tell anymore.

Say something, you idiot.

He doesn't want to sell himself short, but he's literally incapable of talking himself up, but he can't just sit here like a startled rabbit. He settles, finally, for something which he hopes is smooth, or at the very least, awkwardly endearing. "I don't know that I'm qualified to say." He manages to meet her eyes again. "People generally like to form their own opinions."

[essentiallyharmless]

Well, good or not, she does try to be time-saving. Cosy little chit-chat and banter is only really relevant when you want to be polite, or when you want to get to know someone, neither of which are Lucy's goals tonight. Better to poke deeper, get a read on what kind of person they are, and go from there.

"That's not a very interesting answer," she replies, though she's not displeased. "At least give me an adjective or something. Are you... aggressive?" she asks, smiling, not entirely clear on whether she's flirting or mocking (or both). "Eager to please? Feral? Patient? Attentive? Energetic? Sensual?"

[johnny_truant]

Whoa. This lady means business. Johnny's not sure he's ever hit on someone (or been hit on?) so straight-forward, but he makes the decision quickly to alter his entire approach. This flirtation, such as it is, is suddenly a job interview, which, strangely enough, not a turn-off. He downs his whiskey and rotates so he's facing her.

"Filthy," he says. "Easy. Transient." He's feeling, very suddenly, very acutely, the urge to debase himself completely. He leans close but doesn't try to loom; he's deferring to her judgment. "I can be whatever the fuck you want, and I'm yours if you want me."

[essentiallyharmless]

Lucy's smile grows while he speaks, becoming almost predatory for a moment. "Yeah, you'll do," she answers with a nod, though obviously pleased he's rising to the challenge. "My place isn't far," she adds, slipping off the barstool, picking up her coat and handing it to him, turning around and expecting him to help her put it on.

[johnny_truant]

Johnny smiles, pleased with himself, slides down from the stool and helps her into her coat, as requested. He drops some bills on the counter steps back, awaiting further instruction. This is his function now. Waiting and obeying. He switches the rest of himself conveniently off.

[essentiallyharmless]

Lucy picks up her drink (completely ignoring that you're not supposed to take glasses with you - it's still almost full, what is she supposed to do? Stay until she's finished it?), and heads outside, nodding for him to follow. Once they're out of the (admittedly not exactly over-crowded) bar, she hooks her arm around his, and steering them in the direction of the rebel apartments.

"Tell me a little about yourself, Johnny," she requests, or in this context perhaps it's more of a friendly command. She finds these sort of questions work better once the deal is sealed, so to speak, and there's no need to impress her, and she's shown she's hardly likely to be scared off.

[johnny_truant]

Johnny's of the opinion that "being scared off" is an ongoing possibility, but on the other hand Lucy seems profoundly unflappable. He watches her balance the hijacked margarita elegantly, concentrates on the press of her arm against his, and says, "I used to live in LA and I used to be a tattoo parlor bitch."

That's really about it, before he gets into the weird shit.

"There was a period where I was working on a book," he says. "But it wasn't mine."

[essentiallyharmless]

Not entirely unflappable, but when you're not really going for self-preservation, it's ahrd to be scared off. Things that would normally make her or any sane person (not that Lucy is completely sane) back away, would perhaps have the opposite effect tonight.

"Mm, I used to be in book publishing," she answers, latching onto that rather than the tattoos, which she knows extremely little about. "Were you a ghost-writer, then?"

[johnny_truant]

"Hah." The noise echoes into a full laugh, which turns into a cough. "No. Not exactly."

Sort of a lot to explain.

"All I did was put it together," he says finally. "Another guy wrote it, but he died. And I put it together." That's all he's going to say about that. Change the subject, Johnny, change it now.

"What are you in now?" he asks. "If not publishing."

[essentiallyharmless]

She can't help but feel like there's more to the book story than he's offering up, but it doesn't catch her interest enough for her to pry, especially when he's already changed the subject.

"Book reading, mostly," she answers with a smile. "I didn't move here from London for my career, to put it that way."

way to post the tag before it was done ellis

[johnny_truant]

"So why did you move here?" asks Johnny, relieved to turn away from himself. He doesn't know what he'll say if she turns the same question on him - make something up, probably. Which means he'll also have to be careful about giving himself away as behind the times - and hopefully, that won't be a problem. He's not walking along with her so they can talk about pop culture and technological advances, after all.

go you

[essentiallyharmless]

"I was widowed," she answers, and leaves it at that. Of course the full truth is a lot more complicated, and not something she intends to bring up at the moment, but it's not a lie. Her become a widow was more or less directly involved. And Lucy's was quite a few years behind the times as well, though after being here almost half a year now, she's quite caught up, so at least she doesn't give herself away that way.

[johnny_truant]

"Oh." Johnny's not sure what to say to that. It doesn't really answer the question, not that he needs an answer. Does it require empathy? Are they at a point of social contact where it wouldn't be weird for him to apologize for the dead husband?

He decides to say nothing. She's in control of this situation, in more ways than one. He reverts back to waiting for to move first.

[essentiallyharmless]

"If you're wondering if you should say you're sorry, don't. He was a terrible husband and a worse person," she elaborates casually, since Johnny does seem to think it's his place to comment. "What about you, what brings you to the city?" Go ahead, Johnny, make something up.

[johnny_truant]

Well, okay then.

"To be honest," he says, or to be honest by omission, "nothing. Just drifting and seeing where I stick."

True enough. He didn't really have much choice in coming here, and he doesn't have a choice in sticking, but that'll do the trick, really.

[essentiallyharmless]

"Transient," she echoes his statement from earlier. "Here we are," she adds, letting go of his arm to lead the way into the apartment building and to the elevator. Good thing too, she wasn't really interested in continuing the small-talk.

[johnny_truant]

"Yup." Johnny is equally relieved to be free of small-talk, which he's never had a talent for. He follows her into the elevator, keeping his eyes downcast, waiting for the next cue.