bigapplesauce | Through all windows I see only infinity [closed]

Scout can tell something exciting is happening. Johnny's never taken him all the way to the Ramble before. He maneuvers around more wildly than usual, tugging this way and that, sniffing everything and letting out the occasional enthusiastic yap. Johnny trots along with him indulgently, his gut a tumultuous knot of thrill and anxiety. The certainty he'd had right after Seth had taken his power has lessened now, replaced again by doubt - what if this doesn't work? What if he gets there and has no choice but to turn back?

He feeds off Scout's nervous energy as he draws closer to where she is. Before he'd felt a sort of inexorable pull toward her, but now he feels nothing. A good sign, perhaps? Or had he only imagined it before?

He almost freezes when he sees her - just the top of her structure, standing bright beautiful blue - the blue of his house - against leafy green. He slows down to a crawling pace, leading Scout to look up at him wonderingly. Johnny can almost hear his heart pounding, his pulse thrumming strong all across his body, tight and hot under his skin. He steps closer, gently, until the full box comes into view, and he feels a certain apprehension knowing what's inside, but it's still nothing close to what he'd experienced the first and last time he came here. Still, it hadn't hit him until he'd almost touched her.

Slow inhalation dries his lips and throat as he steps closer still, extending a trembling hand. If he can just - if he can-

He touches her. Lays his palm flat across the surface of the door. He lets out his breath in an unsteady burst, feeling almost dizzy with joy and relief. The wood is warm and seems to tingle faintly beneath his fingertips, but there's nothing more. It worked. It worked.

He gives only the gentlest push and the door swings open.

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"Yes," murmurs Johnny, gazing out over the landscape. After some hesitation he lets go of her hand and bends down to undo the leash, letting Scout dart off to explore, never straying too far, continually looking back as if expecting Johnny to come after him. Johnny stays put however, keeping close to the TARDIS.

"I know this is... indoors," he says hesitatingly, "but it doesn't feel like that. It feels a lot safer." Which is an odd thing to say, really, but he knows she'll understand.

He stuffs his hands into his pockets and glances over at her. "I'm just so glad I can actually be here," he says.

His words aren't actually that understandable to her; she doesn't see what the one has to do with the other, and everything within her is equally safe. What she does understand, now, is the emotional significance it has to him, in opposition to the constriction and oppression he felt when he told her about the structure that 'poisoned' him.

And then he voices a sentiment she can certainly agree with. "As am I. It is good to properly see you, and you are clearly feeling much better without your affliction. I look forward to future visits of yours." Because there is too much to show him in just one visit, of course.

Johnny smiles shyly and nods. "Yeah. Me too."

He watches Scout for a minute more and then claps his hands to draw the dog's attention. "C'mere boy," he calls, leaning down as Scout scurries over. He accepts some petting from Johnny and then barks once.

"What," says Johnny in his talking-to-dogs voice, and then, a little sheepish, looks back up.

"Can, um," he says, busying himself by reattaching Scout's leash. "Can I see him?"

She patiently watches Johnny's ritual with the dog, not really bothering to question why humans so often use that pitch and tone of voice when dealing with small animals. Why do humans do anything, and besides, the pet seems to have changed the boy's priorities now. Presumably because it is actually Gabriel's pet. Not that she minds; there'll be plenty of time to show him more rooms after he has checked on their mutual friend.

So she nods, offering her hand again. "Of course. It isn't far." While she leads him back to the corridor and along some more doors, she reaches out to Gabriel in the library. She gives a gentle nudge against his mind, followed by a friendly but cautionary announcement of visitors, so he can prepare himself as he sees fit. A few minutes later, the doors to the vast ornate library swing open to admit Johnny and herself.

The TARDIS' mental nudge finds Gabriel at the far end of the vast library between the fireplace (lacking fire at the moment) and an impressive wall of books. He has his wings out, hanging carefully behind the back of a plush sofa. Though the TARDIS has done her best to help him heal, they still look terrible. Beyond her help wrapping the broken wing, they'd spent time carefully grooming out dried blood, rearranging frayed feathers, and tending to wounds.

He's exhausted, physically and mentally, but his wings are the only thing that immediately show the extent of the damage, so he shifts them out of view as the TARDIS and whoever the company is get closer to the library. He could reach out with his mind to see who's coming, but he doesn't bother. Instead, he brushes back at the TARDIS' mind, letting her know that it's alright to bring in visitors.

When they come in, he's sitting with a stack of books next to him on the sofa, each written in a different alien language. The TARDIS had obliged him by not automatically translating them, and when he's not been resting or spending time with the TARDIS, he's been studying these languages. As the door opens, he closes the book in his lap and stares up and Johnny and Scout arriving. For a moment, there's a blank look on his face. For some reason, he hadn't been expecting Johnny and Scout. He feels a sudden apprehension, and the persistent tug of shame about what he'd done. Maybe he just hadn't been ready to see Johnny...or maybe it's just because he's not sure what to tell him. What is Johnny going to think of him now?

He can't look at Johnny's face yet. He focuses in on the TARDIS, and gives an affectionate brush against her mind. This is okay, but it's going to be tough.

He smiles and sets aside his book. God, Scout. The little dog is pulling on his leash even as Johnny walks across the room. When they finally reach him, Gabriel bends forward a little to pet the dog, but he doesn't risk bending to far. To much movement still hurts, and he doesn't want to cringe in front of Johnny. He knows that Johnny should know the truth, but he doesn't want the evidence on display.

Thankfully, Scout obliges him by first jumping up onto the couch and then onto his lap. Gabriel pets him, murmuring out 'hello's and 'good boy's over and over while Scout tries and succeeds at licking his face. He takes a slightly shaky breath as Scout finally starts to calm down. He feels like crying. What had he done to his little dog? Did he even know that his leaving wasn't his fault?

He keeps his smile in place when he finally looks up at Johnny, though it's slightly strained. "Thanks for bringing him."

It takes everything Johnny has not to just stagger at the sight of him, sitting there, reading, like nothing's wrong. Scout is pulling and pulling, and part of Johnny wants to just let him go, but he resists - out of respect for the TARDIS and in case Gabe is hurt. He looks uninjured, but he also looks... different. Tired. Pale. Something.

Still, he lets Scout drag him to a pace just above a jog. His whole body aches over this, with physical desperation to see Gabe, touch him, be close to him - even though he doesn't know what to do or say.

He finally lets Scout go when they're at the couch, watches them with a small, dissociative smile. When Gabe speaks to him, he feels an uncomfortable tug right below his sternum, like at any moment he might break down.

"Y-yeah," he whispers. "Of course."

There's so much he wants - needs to ask, but for a moment all he can do is stare. Finally, moving a bit like he's in a trance, he lowers himself down to his knees, setting himself on the floor just beside Gabe, not quite ready to invite himself onto the couch yet.

"Gabe, I-" he starts to say, and then his voice fucking breaks, goddammit, god damn it. He drops his head into his hand, covering his eyes for a moment, while his other hand seeks out Gabriel's. He clutches on as tight as he dares and draws a few deep breaths.

"I - I, I'm sorry," he blurts. "Everything, all that, that shit I said, last time I saw you, it... I'm sorry, it was stupid, all of it, I-"

Where's he even going with this? He's not stupid enough to think Gabe left because of him. He sighs heavily and forces himself to look back up, though his eyes are still wet and probably red.

"I'm so fucking glad you're here," he murmurs, soft so his voice can't crack.

The TARDIS trails behind, now sharing Gabriel's apprehension about this encounter. She still thinks it will ultimately be good for him to see someone else caring about him, but she is a little worried that this might be too much too soon, and humans have an awful tendency to make everything about them. Gabriel's reassurance that he will be okay helps, but she can't quite trust him to know what's best for himself yet.

She returns his telepathic brush just as gently, conveying reassurance and understanding and patience. He's not going to be alone with this; she will stay right here and keep a watchful eye on his emotional well-being. Johnny's reaction is surprisingly overwrought as well and she doesn't like it, concerned by his distress and by how it will make Gabriel feel. But she knows she has to allow them to come to their own understanding, if possible.

Through all windows I see only infinity [closed]

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