bigapplesauce | [closed] After painting the ceiling red

Current Location: Hell's kitchen
Current Music: August 5th, noon

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[closed] After painting the ceiling red

[Warning: Lots of focus on suicide, with a side of drug and alcohol use, plenty of traumatic subjects.]

Seth should start keeping a tally of number of times Daniel gets to watch him die in a dream. Only two so far, but that's in less than three weeks of knowing him, so who knows what it will be over time? He's long since given up on keeping track of when he dies in a dream in general, since that's not a terribly unusual occurrence, but it's rarer for it to happen in shared ones.

He had given up on sleep more or less immediately after waking up. The fear he had felt, the hopelessness, it was all a bit too real, too familiar, and easily stuck with him. So he had gone out to cope with it in the only way he felt capable of - getting blissfully high.

A few hours later, once morning had properly arrived, and the buzz was wearing off, he returned home. Not ready to deal with being sober however, he had replaced the morphine with alcohol, namely whiskey. The rest of the morning had passed in only somewhat comforting intoxication and anxiety, and then Daniel had texted him, and Seth didn't feel able to answer. It took two hours before he could actually face the idea of seeing him after that ordeal. Not just because of the things he had seen Daniel do, but the things Daniel had seen him do. There's no small amount of shame and self-loathing involved.

But at last he had answered, and now he's waiting for Daniel to get there, anxiously picking at his sleeves and staring at the wall. He's not as drunk as he would like, but he's definitely not sober. It's not going to be a fun conversation.

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"Please," says Daniel, relieved at the subject change, however clumsy. "Here, I'll, I can get it."

He feels like he's done little else besides sit on Seth's couch and lament about his problems which is, well, not exactly what his intent had been when he first arrived. He's not sure what his original intent had been, he just knows he doesn't feel like he's actually patched anything between them.

Between them. Whatever...between them means. Friendship, yes, but poorly defined, cast in an odd shade of coffee, and alcohol, and shared misfortunes, and subconsciouses that simply won't leave each other alone.

Daniel doesn't want to search for a word for any of that right now. Instead he gets up and starts pouring their coffee.

Seth let's Daniel do it, leaning back on the couch as Daniel shoulder's disappears from under his arm. He wishes there was more that could be done for either of them, things that could be said that would help more than putting a band-aid on a stab wound.

"I'm glad you came," he says, glancing up with a small smile, trying to sound light rather than, well, sappy perhaps. He wants to say more, about how he gets lots in his own head in a way that's not good for him, and that Daniel can bring him out a little bit. But he's not sure how to without sounding horrifically sentimental.

"Uh." He returns, mugs of caffeination in hand, and duly delivers Seth his. Then he sinks into the couch beside him again, hands cupping the mug bracingly, shoulders creeping upwards in indecision.

"I mean, I, I guess I'm glad too," he offers, sips, then winces. Wow. So that is the worst way he could have phrased it. "I just mean, well, I wish it didn't have to be for, for the particular reason when I first, um. I just - kinda dumped a lot of it on you, which, uh. Sorry."

And he closes that lovely eloquent speech with another embarrassed sip, and looks away.

Seth takes the mug gratefully, taking a tentative sip to see how hot it is. Too hot. He wraps his hands around it instead, watching Daniel out of the corner of his eye.

"What, you missed the bit where I was complaining about the zombie apocalypse?" he asks lightly. They've both done some emotional dumping today, probably only fair. Besides, it's... oddly reassuring, to hear about how Daniel doesn't take what he's done lightly. Even if the best thing would be that he hadn't ever had to do those things at all, so that he wouldn't have to feel this way.

"One of these days we'll get together just to 'ang out, rather than, yanno... Recuperating from some traumatic experience or other," he finishes. It seems to have become a pattern. Or just even if they do plan to just hang out, some horrible subject or other which needs to be tackled comes up.

Daniel smirks, leans back, sips again.

"Mm, that's the dream," he remarks, and immediately regrets it. God, he does not want to think about dreams right now. Of any kind, really. "We can shoot for that, normalcy. As, well, as normal as things get around here, anyway." Which is, comparatively, not very.

"I think my scale for judging normalcy is broken anyhow," Seth answers with a half-shrug, shoulder to shoulder with Daniel. "Angelic landlord and all." There's plenty other things Seth could use as example, but that's a notable one that Daniel's actually familiar with.

Even when you try to stay out of trouble, there's the Rift dreams that drag you back in to some extent or another. Of course, it varies from person to person, how many of those you seem to end up in, so if you're very lucky you could stay mostly clear of them. Seth is not that lucky, and it seems to have just gotten worse over time. And back when he would've liked to have contact with the outside world, all he got was regular nightmares.

"How about, ahh." Daniel considers for a moment, chewing on his lip. "Just - pleasant. That can be our goal, just, you know. Pleasant. 'Normal' is subjective anyway. And a deeply flawed concept, based on entirely, well, I don't think you wanna hear the rant I've got prepped."

He takes a much longer draw from his mug, savoring the shot of energy to his central nervous system. After the hellish night before, he thinks he needs it.

Seth smiles a little and nods in agreement with the goal. Pleasant would be nice. Not that they don't have their moments, but it usually gets interrupted. Generally by their own insecurities and anxieties and guilt. But so far they've been decent about offering support to each other for that, at least, rather than just pushing it all down or judging each other.

"Wouldn't mind, really, if you want to," he answers, finally taking a proper drink of his own coffee, now it's a bit more bearable temperature. Any subject they can discuss without getting painfully personal would be welcome at this point, and Daniel keeps mentioning his ability to go on and on.

He hums his amusement at that but even with the caffeinated assist, he can't quite unearth the energy required to go off on that particular tangent. Thankfully he's spared the effort of conceptualizing a new topic when he notices a flicker of movement in the glass tank.

"Oh, hey." Daniel stands and moves closer to peer at it and identifies what is most definitely the head of a snake poking its way out from within. He flashes a curious look back at Seth. "Thought you said you didn't have a pet."

Seth looks up, realising suddenly he's forgotten to introduce Daniel to his new reptile roommate. There's been so much other stuff going on, and she's still getting used to her new home, so she's still pretty shy.

"Well, I didn't, but now I do," he answers with a smile, setting down his mug to join Daniel. "Got her on Wednesday," he adds, looking down at the piebald ball python slowly making her way out of her hiding spot.

"Did you?" He grins a little and leans closer to watch. A forked tongue peeks out inquisitively at him in response. "Wait - wasn't that when you were, you know?" He rights himself to wave a hand up and down quizzically, eyebrow arched.

"Yeeahh, I... kind of stole her," he admits, reaching up to awkwardly rub at his neck. "Liberated her, more like," he adds. It's not really a secret nor anything he's particularly ashamed of, but he feels a little iffier admitting law-breaking to Daniel than to other people.

The eyebrow goes higher. Finally Daniel shrugs.

"Well, perception shifting. S'pose it is a bit of an opportunity." He goes back to watching the snake with his head to one side. Having done his fair share of phase-shifted snooping in his own universe, he doesn't exactly have the moral high ground to judge. "Had an interesting time, I take it?"

"Well, no, it wasn't like that," he answers, stepping around Daniel to sit on the unmade bed. "She was at this pet store that clearly didn't know a thing about keeping reptiles. And I didn't want to give them money for mistreating her, but I also didn't want to leave her there, so..."

It's not like he went around grabbing whatever he felt like. Hell, even when he grabbed himself a coffee, he put money in the tip jar. He may not give much thought to breaking the law, but he doesn't want to rip undeserving people off. He just... very selectively opportunistic.

He continues to watch the snake make her tentative foray out, one side of his mouth lifting in another grin. Seth has a soft spot for reptiles. Well, that would make sense considering the tattoo and his previous ownership of a possibly time-traveling iguana.

"That was nice of you," he says, completely earnest. "Got a name yet?"

"Monty," he says, then with a shrug adds, "I didn't know she was female when I got her, and she doesn't care, so." He can even say with a fair bit of certainty that she does in fact not care. He wonders vaguely whether Iggy ever minded his name.

"Do you want to say hello to her?" he adds after a moment since Daniel seems pretty interested, and she doesn't seem too shy right now, being out and about even as they're watching her.

"Sure," he says, smile widening into something a little more complete. Then, hesitant, "I mean, will she, will she mind?"

Which is mildly ridiculous because she is a python, and probably won't mind. It's not like she'll mind the name. Monty. He laughs a little when he understands the reference.

"Monty. And she's a python." Daniel shakes his head, amused. "That's great."

"She's been pretty friendly so far," he reassures, getting to his feet and removing the top cover of the tank. He shoots Daniel a crooked grin as he gets the joke. "Just don't touch her head, she doesn't like that."

"Hello, darling," he says, his voice a lot more quiet as he speaks into the tank, reaching down to stroke her side a bit, letting her know there's nothing to worry about. "Just going to introduce you to a friend of mine." He reaches down and carefully lift her up, wrapping her loosely around his arm so she has something to hold onto, before holding her out towards Daniel.

"This is my friend Daniel. Daniel, meet Monty," he introduces them with a grin, as Monty curiously investigates Daniel.

He stretches out a cautious arm and holds it loosely in front of her for an invitation. She wavers, tongue flicking in and out, as Monty decides whether or not he's worth her interest.

"Hey," says Daniel softly, taking the vocal cue from Seth. "Hey, Monty."

Her head weaves around his hand for a minute before she retreats.

"Still a bit shy, hm?" He drops the hand, the weird mimicry of a handshake.

"Oh, she warms up pretty quickly, even if she's not much of a conversationalist," he says, stroking her back gently.

"Here," he adds, unweaving her from around his arm and lifting her up, putting her over Daniel's shoulder. He makes sure not to do it too quickly, unwilling to frighten either man or snake. "Let me know when you want me to take her back," he says, grinning a little.

Daniel holds himself still but not rigid, calm as the snake slowly adjusts to her new landscape. He holds his arm out again when Monty starts threading her way down it in the whisper of scales over clothing.

"There, you're very polite, aren't you?" he asks, voice low. Monty replies with another placid flick of the tongue. "Settling in well, then?" This question he directs to Seth, though he keeps one eye on Monty's careful analysis of his arm.

"Surprisingly well, actually," he says, glancing up at Daniel with a smile, though he keeps his eyes mostly on Monty in case he needs to take her. "Snakes can take a long time to readjust, especially if they're stressed. Go months without food if they want to. But she ate a few days ago, and she hasn't been aggressive or anything."

He sits back down on the bed, crossing his arms loosely. "Probably helps that I have a friend who can talk to animals, she could tell Monty I was friendly. Not to mention that the rabbit next door was not food, and the dog upstairs was not a predator," he adds with amusement.

"Really?" He looks back up, eyebrows drawing together. "Animal communication? Huh. Well, I guess it's no weirder than, than office supply manifestation or being an archangel or - whatever else there is around here."

Bored with his arm, Monty comes wandering back up to drape herself around his shoulders with languid curiosity.

"Sounds like pets are a bit of a building requirement," Daniel jokes, slowly lowering the arm. "I was thinking maybe I should get one. Just to, you know, help me settle in." But doing that would mean accepting, on some level, that he won't be going home anytime soon, and Daniel's not sure he's ready to come to terms with that.

Not that he says so.

"But I'm thinking that's gotta wait until I find a more of a, uh, permanent residence. You know, as opposed to just sort of squatting."

Seth nods thoughtfully. He could easily see Daniel with a pet. The dream where they both had (or rather were?) giant cats probably helped a bit. But he definitely has that caring nature that's good for pet owning.

"I could help you find a place, if you want," he offers. Seth has a lot more connections and familiarity with the city than Daniel does. There might even be some angelic help involved, since Gabriel seemed to like Daniel, though Seth doesn't want to make any promises on that front. "And if you find yourself suddenly evicted, you could always crash here," he adds, just to make sure that's clear.

"Might have to take you up on that," he replies ruefully. He holds up an absent finger for Monty's inspection. "I mean, it's not that I don't like the place. I just don't think my kindly benefactors will be too pleased to find out their actual tenant absconded three weeks ago, transferred allegiances, and left a formerly-Ascended archaeologist in her place."

Daniel's not eager to know what the Rebels might do if they find out about that. Their treatment of Seth has made him more than a little wary of their motives. He definitely doesn't trust them to leave him alone if they find out about his still-present link to the higher plane, nor does he expect the same from ROMAC for that matter. It'd be in his best interest to land a living space that doesn't entail leeching resources from either party; political involvement is something he'd like to avoid. Unfortunately, he seems to have already gotten semi-involved with the Rebels simply by virtue of being an unintended squatter.

"Plus," he adds, tone lightening, "it'd be nice to be able to have you over every once in a while. Return the favor for every time I've barged in on you."

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