Tar baby from hell [closed for now...?]

[fucking_ebay]

Something is definitely not right when Peter wakes up late in the morning. Since when does he pull his legs up into a fetal position when he sleeps on his back? He groans and stretches out his legs, reaching up to rub his eyes and --

And that's not the way legs and arms work -- nothing's moving right, it's like his joints are in the wrong places or stuck moving in weird ways and THOSE ARE FEATHERS --!!!

Peter goes from zero to feathery tornado in three seconds flat, honking and squawking his head off as he kicks and beats at the sheets with the wings he suddenly has today. Beds are not made for geese, nor geese for beds, and for a solid minute he mostly succeeds in making things worse until he finally squirms free and fights his way upright, panting and still as he catches his breath.

Well, shit. Could this be a dream? Maybe it's just a dream. It wouldn't be the first time he dreamed he was an animal. Biting himself, however, results in pain, which either means it's not a dream or that's just a stupid way of testing because maybe he can feel pain in dreams here. He wouldn't put it past the Rift. Right, so he's got to do something about it. He just needs to -- if he can just -- maybe if he --

HE'S A FUCKING GOOSE. Peter scrambles off the bed, crashing to the floor and clambering back to his feet to make a mad run to where he left his phone on the couch. Except he can't use it when he gets there because he's a FUCKING GOOSE and all he manages to do is drag it onto the floor and peck uselessly at the screen.

Comments

[has_a_horn]

Gabriel is out wandering that morning. He'd planned on going to see Peter later in the day when he's more likely to be awake and dressed, but once his phone starts going off with texts about weird stuff happening (Seth is apparently a cat and that is hilarious), he figures that he better cut his wandering short and just go check on Peter.

He's still texting when he arrives in Peter's apartment, but he has to lower the phone for a moment to laugh. Peter is here, and he's a goose.

"Hey, Peter. Hold on, there, It's gonna be okay." He snickers and looks back down at his phone. Daniel isn't very good at taking pictures of cats, it seems.

[fucking_ebay]

Peter is also hyperventilating, his ridiculous pointy goose tongue sticking out of his mouth as he pants and hisses. It's all involuntary, just something his body is doing without input from him, and that's not helping him calm down any. Gabriel's appearance prompts a bout of uncontrollable honking and beating of his wings against the air. It's not okay! It's not gonna be okay! HE'S A FUCKING GOOSE!!

In other words, "HONK HONK HONK HONK!!!"

[has_a_horn]

Okay, freaking out way more than is really necessary there, Peter. "It's not going to last. Here. Peter." He takes a wary step forward. "Peter. Let me see if I can turn you back."

He kneels down a safe distance from beak-bites and waits for Peter to calm down. "You should be able to pray to me, y'know. I could understand you then."

[fucking_ebay]

He is a goose there is no level of freaking out that is not necessary right now

He stops honking, at least, and stretches his neck out toward Gabe like he thinks he's going to accomplish something by touching but isn't so sure about working his weird-ass bird legs. Praying? He doesn't...do that. The man lives in deep, deep denial; Gabriel's ability to receive prayers is one of the things he ignores in order to cope with this friendship.

And how the hell does a goose pray, the kneeling thing is not happening here.

He tries, though. He really does. It starts out promising with a ducked head and a Gabriel in the angel's direction, but then it quickly devolves into an overexcited blur of Goose and why and not Godzilla again goddamnit because if Gabe is somehow responsible for this, they are going to Have Words.

[has_a_horn]

"No, no, I'm not doing this. Seems like a rift thing. Seth's a cat and his friend is floating around the apartment. Someone else's phone is telling all of their secrets. Random stuff." He transfers his phone into his left hand, then reaches out with his right. He settles it along Peter's goose back and tries to fish out the reason for the change. It's definitely rift related. When he tries to undo the change he gets a nasty shock up through his arm, and nothing at all happens.

He huffs a sigh and goes to stand up. The goose comes with him. It's not even as if his hand is stuck to the feathers. If that were the case, he imagines that he'd have a free hand covered in feathers right now. He's just stuck to Peter.

He sits down and sets Peter back down on the ground. "Uh." He lifts Peter up again, just to check, then sets him down again. "I'm stuck"

[fucking_ebay]

Seth's a cat? The sound that comes out of Peter is almost entirely unlike human laughter, but somehow the intent probably comes across. He turns his head to watch where Gabe's hand goes, and nearly gives himself vertigo when his head turns around backwards as a result. It's okay, though. Gabe's going to fix this. Good old Gabe.

Except not so much. Nothing at all seems to happen before Gabe sighs and -- picks him up? Peter lets out an indignant squawk, but he's set down as soon as he complains to give himself a shake and a fluff of the feathers and --

It doesn't hurt, at least, but when Gabe sets him down again and Peter tries to squirm out from under Gabriel's hand it's like he's just...attached. He might as well be trying to pull of his own wing arm.

O Archangel Gabriel, prays Peter, somewhat more coherent now, you have got to be shitting me.