bigapplesauce | And I tell myself, I keep repeating, that your ways are bringing you to me [closed]

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Current Music: January 20th, 2013

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And I tell myself, I keep repeating, that your ways are bringing you to me [closed]

A week passes for the TARDIS in both the blink of an eye and excruciating slowness. It's so minuscule within her understanding of time and compared to her age, but spending it separated from the Doctor, trying all day to find him on foot in her tiny humanoid form and trying to get used to the constant unease and limitations being in this universe causes her makes it seem to go on forever. She doesn't like being forced into such a subjective perception of linear time, and she particularly doesn't like how it reminds her of the other occasions she was crippled and stranded somewhere. It is difficult not to fall into the same state of despondent disconnection, of resigned misery interspersed with outbursts of desperation that she had cultivated then.

Ianto does his best to help, of course. He spends as much time with her as he can, either helping her search, showing her how to conduct herself in the city (obviously she knows about cars and money and subway trains, but she's never had reason to apply that knowledge), or making sure she keeps her body fed and rested. It's such a small concern compared to everything else that's weighing on her, but she does have to admit, left to her own will she'd have worn it out entirely by now searching for the Doctor without interruption. When it sleeps, she busies herself with healing the damage the journey through the rift caused her and recalibrating her sensors to this universe, but she soon reaches a point where she simply needs the Doctor's assistance.

It isn't even a search really, it's more of a pursuit. She knows where he is, approximately, but he moves a lot faster than her, so that by the time she's reached and searching an area he has already moved on. She'd even caught up with him once, but then he got on a train and her small form was unable to squeeze through the slow-moving mass of people in time to follow him. If she could just see where he is going next, this all wouldn't be so difficult. However, with her confined to a linear existence like this, he keeps being just out of her reach. The frustration and loneliness are almost too much to bear.

But today, shortly after breakfast with Ianto, she senses the Doctor actually moving towards her, towards her true form hidden in the park. With a mixture of desperate hope and trepidation at the possibility of losing him again, she hurries back to her self, straining to pinpoint his location more precisely and trying to decide which route through the park to check first. She can't miss him this time, not again.

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The Doctor is striding across a field, his attention on a handheld device that seems to be more or less held together by duct tape. He's trying to determine if he can pick up any sort of signals coming from the other side of the rift, trying to find a link that he could follow to get back through somehow.

This is another in a long line of projects he's had since he got here. It took him several days before he even remembered to sleep. He may be confined to one little island for now, but there's three million people here, and plenty mysteries to go around. Some of them are related to trying to get back, but most of them are just distractions. He's been to more or less every part of the island by now.

And keeping busy keeps his mind off missing the TARDIS, and Donna, and traveling in general. If he stopped long enough to think about it, or consider the possibility that he won't get back... Well, it'd be too painful to bear. Perhaps that he went so long without sleep too, so that it would come quickly.

There were a few times where he thought he felt something, but then he was distracted or interrupted, or the feeling disappeared, and he moved on. And his moving has now led him to the park.

At this range the Doctor's presence ought to be as clear and compelling as a lighthouse, but it remains as diffuse as it had been all week, only more urgent. Spurred on by that and her anxiety, the TARDIS hurries down a path towards the lake, refraining from running only because she knows her body can't keep it up for long and she might end up having to search this entire half of the park.

Fortunately, at least that fear of hers doesn't prove true, as she soon spots an unmistakable tall figure on the other side of a field. Now she does start running, shouting his name in unselfconscious relief and determination.

The Doctor perks up after a few moments, realising someone is calling his name (or possibly are in need of a regular doctor, in which case he could probably also be of some assistance), and soon spots the young woman running towards him.

"NYSSA!" he exclaims in delight, running to meet her halfway, covering ground much faster than she does thanks to this body's long legs. It does eventually occur to him that Nyssa shouldn't really know him in this body, and moreover, as he gets close and draws to a halt, he realises she doesn't really feel like Nyssa, though he has trouble pinpointing why. "Wait... Not Nyssa?" he asks, confused.

She comes to a halt far more out of breath than him, breaking into a bright, joyous grin as the stress of the past week falls off her like a burden. At his confusion, she can't help chuckling breathlessly. Oh her daft, beautiful idiot. It'll never cease to amaze her how much trouble he has recognizing her just because she's wearing a human body.

"No," she agrees, almost laughing with relief. "Oh, I am so glad I found you." And now that she knows exactly where he is, she can finally reach for him mentally and show him just how glad she is, and hopefully sooth the wound of their severed bond that's been aching so deeply.

Right, well, that did not help his confusion, but now he's smiling again at her joy that seeps into him. "Right, yes, here I am, you found me. ...Who are you, exactly?"

After a moment he realises that it's not just empathy and that her joy is literally seeping into him, and that makes him even more confused, and a little trepidatious, but also that much more curious.

At his continued cluelessness she sobers a little. The harsh reminder that he isn't hers hurts, as does his lack of telepathic reciprocation. "Can you really not tell?" No, the distance between them is just still too great, almost like it was at a point before they had bonded at all.

But she is determined not to let that ruin her present accomplishment. She found him, that was the most important thing, and being together will surely strengthen their connection. Smiling again, though less freely than before, she says, "I am the TARDIS" and accompanies that with a more direct mental nudge.

"The TARDIS?" he asks, frowning, though the mental nudge does its job in getting the gears grinding and letting him recognise her. "...The TARDIS!" he exclaims loudly, and immediately wraps his arms around her and picks her up in a hug, doing more or less the same thing telepathically as well, his joy mutual now, mixed with shock and relief. He's still grinning broadly when he puts her back down.

It's not the first time the TARDIS has presented herself in a humanoid body, but it's hardly common, and not something he expects. Furthermore, he does realise pretty quickly this is not exactly his TARDIS, but her presence is immensely comforting nonetheless.

Oh, finally. She greets his recognition and joy with a wave of her own relief and affection, clinging to him when he lifts her up. Her smile shines with renewed warmth as she revels in the mental and physical contact. Back on her feet, she doesn't step back or let go of him entirely. Instead, she peeks up at him and scolds, "I really would have expected you to make yourself easier to find," but her happiness belies her teasing tone of voice.

"Oh you know me, dashing about, keeping busy," he answers, still grinning like a maniac and holding onto her a bit as well. "Where's your box?" he asks, glancing about as if it should suddenly be right there. Although now that he's identified her telepathic signature, he finds it's easier to sense the rest of her as well, and it feels nearby.

She lets herself be carried away by his excitement and grabs his hand, knowing all versions of him love that. "This way," she says as she begins leading him towards the Ramble. Having him inside proper will be wonderful, and he can get started on the repairs.

"I have been trying to catch up with you for seven days, you know," she gripes playfully so he can appreciate the effort she constantly puts into him.

Oh he loves the hand-holding, and it's not often he gets to do it with the TARDIS, so he delights in it, and follows obediently.

"Really?" he asks, surprised and a little bit guilty that she's been around so long and he hadn't noticed, and gives her an apologetic mental nudge. Wait, hold on, had he noticed? "...Seven days ago? Early morning? I felt that." He's relieved that he's not been entirely unconnected to her, but annoyed at himself for not investigating it properly.

She accepts his apology easily, not having the heart to be upset with him for the strain of the last week, especially now that he has replaced it with joy. It's also good to hear he noticed her arrival, even if it didn't inspire him to go look for her.

"You must not have felt me so much as the disturbance I caused in the Rift." Otherwise he really should have investigated. "I opposed it for as long as I could, trying to return to my universe. But I failed." And he'll see what that did to her in a few minutes. "I sensed your presence soon after, but I couldn't see you, and this universe... grates." Somewhere during her explanation she settles back into a more neutral bearing, trying not to burden him with too much of her remembered distress. Still, she holds onto his hand and mind firmly and affectionally.

He nods thoughtfully - it wasn't the only disturbance in the Rift he's felt, though definitely one of the strongest. It had been very tied up in investigating the Rift itself, rather than what had come through it.

"I'm sorry," he answers sympathetically, giving her hand (and mind) a comforting squeeze. "I know what you mean, though - this place is wrong, though probably more noticably for you than me." After all, while he may notice a lot of the differences, and it can make him distressed and uncomfortable, he doesn't rely on his environment in the same way.

His comfort is more precious and soothing than she could express in words or thoughts, so she simply answers him with a sense of gratitude. It enables her to tell him the rest, which is still distressing her badly, second only to being cut off from her own Doctor.

"I can't draw energy from this universe at all. I am only alive because I am constantly siphoning energy off of the Rift." She leaves the implications unspoken, but they're plain - she has to ration her power, she can't leave the island, and she probably shouldn't attempt any significant hops in time either. Finding her hasn't made him any less stuck, and she abhors being useless like this. Not to mention if anything should happen to the Rift, she's at the mercy of the consequences.

At this point she leads him off the path and up a small hill into the woods. Behind the hill, the blue of the police box is easy to spot through the mostly bare vegetation.

His frown deepens at her next words. He'd been careful not to hope that he could just shoot off the moment he got her back, but that her situation is so precarious as this worries him terribly. But hopefully with her systems to help, he can be more useful himself, and they can improve their situation, get them both back to where they're supposed to be. He gives her some wordless reassurances that they'll get through this together.

The sight of the blue box lightens his mood again considerably, though. It's a very welcome view. "Ahh, there you are!" he says excitedly, letting go of her hand to run up to her other form, digging his key out of his pocket as he goes.

He gives the box a friendly stroke when he reaches her, and fingers the sticker on the door. "Very retro," he comments with a smile, unlooking the door and going inside.

It's easy to believe his reassurances, as she has always trusted him completely. And his excitement invariably brings a smile to her face, so she pushes aside their worries to focus wholly on their reunion, or something close enough to it.

She hurries after him, curious and impatient for his reaction to her to him unfamiliar console room, so much more inviting and bright than the one he's used to. "Not only that," she replies, amused and proud, to his comment on her exterior. "I come from a little after your time."

The Doctor shoots an anticipating grin at her before he heads inside. The sight of the new control room stops him dead in his tracks, but in the best of ways, his eyes darting all around room, taking it all in.

"Look at you!" he exclaims with high-pitched excitement and lets out a delighted laugh, running up the stairs to the console. "Oh, look at you, you beautiful thing," he says, fiddling with the controls for a second, going two full rounds around it. In a moment he'll be worried about what the systems are actually telling him, but for right now he's just appreciating her new style. "Bit flashier than I'm used to, but I love it," he says, looking down at her humanoid body with a grin.

Oh, how could she ever resist him? His reaction is exhilarating, and so adorably similar to the way his eleventh self had greeted her for the first time. It's just what she needed to make everything better.

Matching his grin, she joins him on the console dais and gives a gracious bow that is only spoiled by her giddiness. "I am glad you approve." The console itself gives out a contented ring like a coo. Now that he's inside, she can also wrap around his mind more intimately and securely, and she does so as though she'll never let him go again.

"How could I not?" Granted, variations of him hadn't always approved of the others' tastes - the fifth him had been outright disapproving regarding the coral. And true, he might still prefer his previous console room, but it still feels like home.

The Doctor reaches out and gives her a one-armed hug, looking up at the time rotor. Being back makes him realise just how much he's missed her presence, and with this comfort and her protecting him, he suddenly believes his own reassurances that everything's gonna work out. He's missed the physical closeness of having someone he's comfortable with too, with Donna back home, and not having stopped long enough to properly befriend anyone.

Edited 2013-03-12 22:31 (UTC)

Physicality can never mean as much to her, she's too much a being of incorporeality, of concepts and other planes of existence for that, though she has ended up spending an awful lot of time focused on this one. But of course he'll always have a special place over everyone else in these matters as in all others, and so she cuddles up to him, sliding an arm around his waist to return the hug, and really properly enjoys their closeness.

Smiling up at him, she teases, "You had better not." Then she's content just to soak up and exchange these positive emotions she's been so sorely lacking.

He's happy just standing there too, fiddling a little with the controls, until he suddenly spots a kitten at the top of some stairs.

"What?!" he exclaims, letting go of her to run over to the tiny cat. "How'd it get in here?" he asks, picking up the kitten. Granted, he knows by now that they're not regular kittens, and that they seem to appear and disappear randomly quite a bit, but beyond that... It certainly doesn't explain how one could get inside. That should be impossible.

A split-second before he spots the kitten she frowns, having felt it pop into existence made up of her own atmosphere. Things just manifesting inside her without her knowledge or doing is quite disconcerting and usually a sign of something with great power trying to interfere with them, so she is immediately on guard even as she's still surprised. With some delay, she moves her physical form to stare at the kitten and the Doctor scooping it into his arms.

She doesn't even notice that his words make it sound like he's familiar with the apparition (she can already tell as much, it's certainly not a real cat), as she's too busy analyzing it, and... Once more she frowns in incomprehension. "It is connected to you."

"What?" he asks, confused, looking over at her. "Connected to me how?" Because that's ridiculous, of course. He'd know. Wouldn't he? Never mind they've been popping up all over for him, but it seemed completely new to Gabriel.

"It is..." Oh, words. They're never remotely adequate for anything she wants to express when it really matters. "It feels like you," she says and makes a dissatisfied face because that's just so simplistic. It certainly doesn't express how it isn't connected in a telepathic or material way, but there's definitely a cause and effect sort of relationship there, and something like... energy? flowing from him to the kitten to keep it existent. This would be easier if he'd just check her instruments.

At least all these readings reassure her that it's harmless. Also, now that she's focused on it, she notices something else with another bemused expression. "There is another one outside." To show him, she lets the door swing open, and a black kitten with a white chest and feet storms in, only stopping to check where it's landed at the bottom of the stairs. "They do not exist independently, they're manifestations," she comments as though that helps clear this up.

Her first explanation doesn't help much, but he puts the kitten up on his shoulder and is just on his way down to the controls when she mention the other one. Well then. He's overrun by kittens that are connected to him.

"...Alright," he answers at her second explanation, which does hlp a bit. He walks down the steps and (carefully, so he won't dislodge the first one) stoops to pick the new one up, before heading back to the console, looking at the instruments.

"I guess that explains the 'how'," he says, frowning at the readings. "But not 'why'. I'd guess it has something to do with the Rift."

She watches him carry the kittens around with a somewhat disapproving expression, just waiting for him to put them down on her console so they can walk all over her controls and disturb her. They're not 'real', but they're certainly corporeal.

At his conclusion she looks up at him, tilting her head slightly in a mixture of confusion and interest. "Why?" As in, why does he think it's the Rift. She obviously has no experience being the good little companion asking the proper questions. But she does know that rifts of this kind, at least in her universe, tend to affect their surroundings in psychic and temporal ways. They don't make kittens appear.

Well, better that than that he actually steps on one of them. Except for the fact where they're not real, of course.

"Well, apparently this one's been changing people as they come through. Giving them powers, changing their physiology, stuff like that," he answers, putting the other kitten on his other shoulder, so it's like he has kitten shoulderpads. "It's the only explanation I can currently come up with. But why this particular thing happened to me, well... Maybe this universe has a very strange sense of humour?" He shrugs, nearly dislodging the kittens.

That's fairly disconcerting news, but then rifts have never exactly been safe phenomena. Still, she doesn't want to know what kind of side effects and disfigurations this one has been causing its victims.

Shifting her gaze to the nearest kitten awkwardly perched on his shoulder, she asserts critically, "I don't see how it is humorous." Hey, he's lucky she didn't point out it's impossible for the universe to have a sense of humor. At least she's connected enough to him to know he wasn't being literal.

"Hmm? Oh, humanoids and their cats. I'd think it was pretty funny if it weren't happening to me," he answers, though he doesn't really elaborate on it. He's not exactly sure why himself, so explaining it is difficult. It's just one of those things.

"So, how come you look like Nyssa?" he asks suddenly, remembering that he was going to ask about that.

She's now trying to find out how exactly he's been changed, but he feels subtly off just due to being from a different universe, so she can't really discern it without knowing precisely what she's looking for. And he doesn't seem to be very concerned about it anymore just now, changing the topic.

"When I decided to construct a form to interact with others in a way they could understand, using an existing set of biodata was less time- and resources consuming than creating one of my own," she explains gladly, still quite proud of herself for this. "And I was always very fond of Nyssa," she adds with a smile. "It was only a projection of agitated protoplasm at first, but later my sister assisted me in the necessary block-transfer computations for creating a real body."

Well, he's apparently been followed by kittens since he got here and they haven't done him any harm, so it doesn't feel urgent. He'll get back around to it, but his curiosity is directed elsewhere.

A bright, proud grin spreads on his face as she explains. "Brilliant," he answers, still full of excitement that he can actually talk to her face to face now. And yes, Nyssa was a great choice. "Wait, your sister?" he asks, suddenly confused again.

"The Master's TARDIS," she explains, sobering a little at the reminder that she ought to start being careful about spoilers around him. With all the excitement it had actually almost slipped her mind. "We met under... somewhat peculiar circumstances, so I could not tell when she was from." Just so he doesn't get any ideas about the Master and his TARDIS still roaming around. It may not be as risky to give things away to this Doctor, since he's from a different universe where events can easily play out differently, but she still prefers to be cautious.

The Doctor nods a little, not enquiring further, partly because of the potential spoilers, but mostly because he doesn't particularly want to discuss the Master, and she knows why.

"The metacrisis is here," he says suddenly, changing the subject, and picking the kittens off his shoulders and putting them in a chair. "Stay," he tells them, and it seems to work, before he turns back to the TARDIS. "And a friend of his who also looks like me, but.. cricket me."

Yes, well, she's even less eager to discuss the Master, particularly that one. Being tortured for a year was one thing, but then having the Doctor invite her torturer to stay with them was quite another magnitude of pain. Best to stay far away from all that. And his subject change demands her attention.

"You know of the metacrisis?" She sounds somewhat alarmed, because of course she's checked his memories for when he is from, and that's really not appropriate for him to know about. The rest of his words aren't any less off-putting. "I do not like duplicates of yours." They confuse her, and not in a good way.

"They seemed alright enough," he answers with a shrug, fiddling with controls again, not really doing anything in particular with them. He's not exactly comfortable with copies himself either, and doesn't really blame the TARDIS for her opinion.

"But when I get back, I'll probably use the telepathic circuits to rid myself of the most troublesome knowledge I acquire here." He realises that there are some things he just shouldn't know. The important thing is to avoid any information that might convince him to change his mind and want to keep the memories.

"They might like to visit, once they know you're here," he points out after a few moments, wanting to know how she'd feel about that. Not that he's planning on inviting either of them to stay.

Ah good, he's aware of the danger of potential future knowledge. That reassures her and she nods her approval at his plan. His prediction about the duplicates is a lot less reassuring though, and she reluctantly considers how she would feel about that. Technically she'd rather not deal with the confusion and distress of encountering someone with the Doctor's mind who isn't the Doctor, but in the end she can't deny a Doctor-likeness her company if he misses her.

"I suppose that would be fine," she grants after a moment. "I do not mind the metacrisis much; at least he is unmistakably human."

"And the other one - James?" he asks, noting that she hadn't commented on him. He seemed much less Doctor than Andrew did, though he hadn't gotten much information out of them regarding how he'd come about, or well, much of any information, really. He might press the issue later. But then, he has no idea if James will even want to see the TARDIS. They'll probably find out, though.

She hadn't commented on him because 'copy that looks like the cricket one' wasn't much to go on - there could be any number and manner of duplicate of that incarnation out in the multiverse. Even with the name it takes a long moment of searching her databanks before she realizes who he met, since it was only mentioned to her while James was a bunny, and therefore not terribly reliable information.

"The android?" she asks, evidently surprised. That's another person from her universe, it's starting to get suspicious. "He is a... complicated matter." Though after he was changed and decided to become a unique personality, he wasn't as unsettling to her either.

Well, he mentioned he was a friend of Andrew, that ought to have helped. The TARDIS did drop James off there. But alright, they could've become friends since coming here.

"Android?" he asks, equally surprised and confused. "He didn't appear to be an android," he says, considering it. Could've been a very convincing android, perhaps. "Then again, the Rift might have changed him too." And he supposes they didn't actually meet in the physical world, so how he appeared could have been only how he envisioned himself.

Edited 2013-03-15 10:23 (UTC)

All this talk of the Rift changing people is quite worrisome and she frowns slightly, but decides to see James for herself before making any judgement.

"He is the android from Androzani Minor," she explains to alleviate his confusion. "Though he rewrote and enhanced himself and was rewritten by others a few times, as far as I know. The changes he made to himself were quite impressive."

"Oohhh," the Doctor answers, thinking back. He would've thought that android had been destroyed, but he never did check. "Well that explains why Andrew described him as having been me, but not as much anymore."

He's a little worried now, though. If James still has his memories, well... Not good having a rewritable android walking around with all that information about the Doctor. But then, he'd seemed a nice enough fellow, and it seems unkind to go force him to be rid of those memories. He shall have to investigate further, though.

"Lots of familiar faces here, it seems. There's another one with my face, I'm told. A human, apparently a foul-mouthed street magician by the name of Peter," he informs her.

She shakes her at that, a little bit amused. "Your face seems to be very popular." Not that physical appearance matters to her; if he's human and not connected to the Doctor in some way, she won't have any trouble treating him as an independent person. But she knows it must be a bit odd for the Doctor and for his friends. Speaking of which-

"I met Ianto... but you wouldn't know him yet." Unless that whole mess with Ianto travelling with his fifth and eighth selves also happened in his universe, but she's seen no evidence that he's been going to intergalactic tea parties. Though it does remind her that Ianto might like to know their search is over, and she quietly sends him a message.

Edited 2013-03-15 22:14 (UTC)

The Doctor will later find that physical appearance DOES matter quite a bit to Peter.

The Doctor frowns, considering the name. "Only Ianto I know of is Jones, from Jack's little gang," he says. "But I haven't met him, just know of him by name." Of course, he's known other Iantos too, but not in this body. That he might come across Torchwood again doesn't seem the unlikeliest, though.

Just as she thought, then. "Ianto Jones, yes. He is from my universe, he has been helping me search for you and keeping me company. He is a good boy." Except currently he's being purposefully irritating in their message exchange, but she's learned to ignore his particular kind of childishness.

"Oh, and when I arrived I met a scientist; he is quite intelligent and has been studying the Rift, so he may be of help to you in augmenting my systems. He was... very enthusiastic about meeting us." Because he knows them from a TV show. That part is still so baffling that she doesn't mention it.

The Doctor nods, glad there's been someone to watch out for the TARDIS while he's been busy running around. He'd like to meet Ianto, if the TARDIS approves of him.

And this scientist too, if he can be of help. Their situation is serious (if not immediately dangerous) enough that help would not be unwanted, or at the very least more information. He assumes the man's enthusiasm is because the TARDIS told him something or other about what they do or what they're capable of. "What's his name?"

"Christopher Brink," she answers. "He works for those organizations involved with the Rift, but distrusts both of them. And he promised to keep my presence a secret. As far as I could tell, he is trustworthy." She didn't exactly inspect his mind for amorality or anything, but it was obvious he was being sincere.

And that reminds her, before they're doing any rewiring to deal with the Rift, there's rather a lot of repairs she'd like him to perform. Her struggle with the Rift took a lot out of her. So the console starts showing various error messages and fault reports for him to peruse at his leisure. By which she means, get to it, Doctor.

It takes him a second to connect the name - he's usually heard him referred to as 'Topher' - and is momentarily alarmed at the news that Romac knows about the TARDIS. At her reassurances though, he nods, satisfied. He's done some poking around regarding the organizations, but hasn't gotten involved. Good to know they have a friend on the inside, though.

And oh, hey, right, things that need his attention! He'll get right on that, perusing and pondering and fiddling with controls, investigating what needs to be done.

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And I tell myself, I keep repeating, that your ways are bringing you to me [closed]

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