Deck the Halls [open to multiple]

[has_a_horn]

On the morning of Sunday, the city is free of the heavy snow that had hit it the week before, and a gentle dusting of snow itsfalling. And, if you happen to live in one of the angel-run buildings, you'll find that the entire front of each building has been lit up in festive colors.



On the other side of town, Gabriel is taking a more hands-on approach to decoration. He has a ladder propped up against the side of the building and a big coil of multi-colored lights slung over his shoulder. If things to hang the lights on appear suddenly out of the brick front of the building as he goes, that's just a matter of convenience. Gabriel is in a good mood today. It seems a little strange to be decorating for a holiday that he's not even sure exists in the same way here that it did back in his own universe, but it's nice to be celebrating something after a month of grief and worry and bad decisions.

[ooc: come throw a snowball at gabe's head or help him decorate :3]

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[has_a_horn]

Once Johnny has settled in, Gabriel wraps his arms around him. He feels calmer like this, with Johnny close and comfortable and safe. The explanation Johnny wants is still daunting, but it will be a little easier now.

"You've got me," he says, and strokes at Johnny's back while he wonders how to explain.

It takes him a few moments before he speaks again. "I kept thinking about the sigil. There was this thought in the back of my mind all the time after she was taken away-" He cuts off and sighs out a breath, not sure how to explain how he felt. This is difficult, and just thinking about walking into that empty clearing where she used to be makes him sad and uneasy. "We always talked about going home. She offered once... to bring me to her universe, to show me all the different planets, all the life there." He smiles a little, but it's a sad smile. He's glad that Johnny can't see his face right now. "I think she regretted that offer later."

"Johnny...she was home to me. In more than a literal- I don't know if I can explain. We were going home." His voice is shaky as he continues. "It didn't matter which one, as long as it was both of us. So when the rift took her it was like...losing my chance at that home, too."

His arms tighten around Johnny and he takes a deep breath, then lets it out in a quick huff. He doesn't even know if he's making sense, and it's still incredibly painful to talk about the TARDIS like this. "And then I kept thinking about the damn sigil. Like I owed it to her to try to go home before I could let myself be happy with what I have here. That she wouldn't want me to give up." He takes a breath and lifts a hand to wipe a few stray tears from his eyes. "It was stupid and suicidal and I should have told you."

[johnny_truant]

Johnny lies there quietly as Gabe tries to explain. If he's being honest with himself the lack of eye contact is just as much a relief to him as it is Gabe. This is hard for Gabe to talk about and hard for him to hear - not just, not even principally because it showcases how small he is and always was next to what the TARDIS could offer, but because it brings further to light how awful this is for Gabe, what a tremendous loss it was. Johnny will probably never fully understand it.

He's quiet for a few moments more after Gabe finishes talking, holding a little tighter onto him. "I understand," he says finally. "I mean, not... I don't think I can understand what you guys had, really, I barely even understood what she was, but... I understand why you - and why you didn't tell me."

He tilts his head up, not quite meeting Gabe's eyes, but looking toward him, focusing idly on his mouth. "I was fucked up for so long, I mean I still am, and... I guess I think I know what you mean, about... losing someone who's your home, I mean, when they took my mom away it was like..." He feels stupid for trying to draw a comparison, embarrassed for bringing it up; his stomach twists and he looks away, settling his head back down on Gabe's chest. "I dunno. I just knew I was never gonna be normal again. I mean she took that away from me before I was old enough to really - and when she was gone so was everything I ever... and yeah, I've been down this road, where you lose everything and it kinda just makes sense to go with it."

He feels uneasy saying all this. Wants to brush it aside. "But I have you now, and you're more like home than anyone's ever been, and... I just wish I could be more, or... I don't know what I'm saying anymore."

That's not really true, he knows exactly what he's saying, he's just run out of the will to say it. This is making his skin crawl, like when he had to get used to being in love with Gabriel, saying it aloud, hearing it echoed back to him. It's still so hard to accept that any of this is real, and he has no idea how much going through his bullshit is even helpful here.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles. "I don't know what else to say."

[has_a_horn]

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything," he reassures Johnny, when he finally trails off.

Johnny doesn't talk about his family often, but every time he does Gabriel's heart aches for him. The only explanation he'd gotten about his mother before this was an explanation for the scars around his neck. This confirms what he'd assumed about what happened to her later on, but it's no less distressing for being expected. It's scary to him that with a few minor changes in Johnny's life, he might have been dead before he even had a chance to fall through the rift.

For a moment he just lies there being comforted by the weight of Johnny's body on his, and his hand drifts up and down Johnny's back a few times before he speaks again. He doesn't like Johnny wishing that he could be more like the TARDIS or more of whatever it is that he thinks Gabriel needs. Not when he's already more than enough. Despite his troubles, Johnny keeps him feeling grounded and safe and loved, and that's what he needs him to know now.

"You should know...you're my home too. Everyday I reach out and feel you here it's...a comfort. If this house was empty, or if it was anyone else- I'd feel lost." He did feel lost for a while there, when Johnny left and he wasn't sure that he'd ever come back. It's not easy to forget how quickly he felt unmoored without Johnny around. "The TARDIS...she kept me connected to the things I've lost. You're what makes me feel at home here."

He huffs out a breath. It's important to him to lay out how he feels about Johnny, but that doesn't make it any less difficult for him. "I don't think I ever had a firm grasp on any kind of normal. But I like what we have here." he smiles and raises a hand to brush through Johnny's hair and then back down his back. "I love it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the sigil. You might have talked me out of it and spared us both the grief."

[johnny_truant]

"It's okay," Johnny says quickly, relieved to have that well-worn conversational path come up after so much weighty confession. Reassurance is an easy thing to jump to. He has no idea how to respond to any of the rest of it - being a kind of home for Gabe, for anyone, is not something he could possibly have predicted for himself, it's a future he didn't think he had. It makes him happy, which is a weird feeling, and he has no idea how to express it other than to hold on a little tighter, to smile quietly to himself, to tell him it's okay. "It's okay," he says again, for good measure, stroking his hand along Gabe's arm. He lies there for a long moment, letting their breathing synchronize, trying to get used to feeling this good.

"Now I really don't know what to say," he admits on a nervous giggle. "Being that for somebody... like... being 'home', it's kind of, uh, antithetical to me as a concept. But I'm... I'm glad that I can be that. Cause I like having you around."

He pushes himself up on his elbows, folding his arms across Gabe's chest and smiling at him. "I'm sorry about the mess."

[has_a_horn]

Gabriel shifts up a little bit and smiles softly, grateful that Johnny is here and making an effort to understand him. He likes being here to see Johnny slowly discover just how much love he deserves. It's a slow process, but one Gabriel is determined to continue for as long as possible. Every moment like this one is a reason for Gabriel to hold tighter to this place and this life.

After a moment, he lifts a hand to trace a loose cross on Johnny's forehead.

"Bless this mess." He giggles, and his smile shifts wider.

[johnny_truant]

Johnny lets his eyes fall shut when Gabriel touches him, feeling unusually serene even as the corners of his mouth tic up at the little joke. When his eyes open again they fall upon Gabe and he has the odd and briefly dizzying sensation of seeing him for the first time. Gabriel, Archangel of the Lord, the third who is set over all the powers, patron of messengers, clerics, stamp collections - this goofy fucking nerd smiling up at him, this overwhelming divine being finding solace in him, Johnny of the fake last name - what would his mother say? Would Pelafina be proud to know he's dating a real honest-to-God angel?

Why should he care what she thinks? Why is he even thinking about her?

He blinks, refocuses - he figures his mind has only wandered for a moment but he still feels like he's waking up and it's obvious he's been somewhere else. He smiles, sort of embarrassed at himself, then he leans in toward Gabe and kisses him. This is it, this is the whole point: that old world isn't home anymore, can't shackle him anymore, and yes Gabe is overwhelmingly complex but he's also beautifully simple, just this guy who loves Johnny more than Johnny ever thought anyone would, could. Gabe is home.

He shifts up slightly, letting his hands come to rest on either side of Gabe's head, thumbs brushing the soft edges of his ears, fingers sliding into his hair. He pulls back and regards Gabe with a smile that's both playful and amazed.

"Uhh," he says, a little breathless. "Hi."

[has_a_horn]

Gabriel sees Johnny drift off and then refocus, but Johnny's smile is enough to convince him that it's nothing to worry about at the moment. Instead, he smiles against Johnny's kiss. He returns the kiss gently, then pulls back with a pleased sigh when Johnny shifts away. The hands in his hair are a welcome addition. Johnny looks happy right now, and that's the best possible thing that could have come out of this conversation.

Gabriel pushes one hand under the hem of Johnny's shirt and idly brushes along the small of his back as he looks back up at him.

"Hey, handsome," he replies, smirking as he lifts his other hand to brush back through Johnny's hair and bring him back down for another kiss. This really is the best possible place for him and he can let himself be happy here, at least while Johnny is around for moments like this one. There will always be things he's going to worry about, but right now Johnny is safe and happy and Gabriel feels amazed that they've both come so far.

He's considering whether he wants to suggest more cocoa and cuddles or a move to the bedroom when his phone dings out a text tone. Gabriel huffs out a breath and lifts his head to kiss the corner of Johnny's mouth, then reaches out to grab his phone off of the coffee table.

"Just lemme make sure no ones been turned into a duck." Or any number of other horrible options, but he'd rather not darken the mood. He smiles when he sees that it's a text from Cole. He reads it, then turns his phone around for Johnny to read. "He's so sweet. I should let him know we ended up gazing into each other's eyes instead of fighting."

[johnny_truant]

Johnny snorts out a laugh at that - being turned into a duck will never not be a ridiculous possibility, regardless of how often that kind of thing seems to happen around here - and then softens again into a smile when he sees the avalanche of words from the kid who started all this. He takes the phone to skim through it a few times. It's a little embarrassing, seeing their feelings laid out like that, like Cole can just see into their hearts even better than they can.

"Man, what's his deal?" he asks, handing the phone back. "Is he like... psychic?"

Ordinarily that would scare him, but he can't find it in himself to harbor any resentment toward Cole, since without him he doesn't know when he'd have found out about what Gabe tried to do. That doesn't need to be mentioned. Johnny shifts back off Gabe to allow him to sit up, but keeps his hands close, on his shoulder, on his thigh, the back of his neck, wherever it feels natural to drift. He wants to stay close, in contact.

[has_a_horn]

"Mn." Gabriel nods, and takes the phone back to text to Cole that he didn't mess anything up for him and Johnny. "Something like that. I don't really understand what he is yet. I think it has a lot to do with empathy."

He looks down at his phone and laughs when a new message comes through. "Definitely new to humanity. He doesn't know emojis." He tips the phone so that Johnny can see the small conversation. He tips it back, and a couple minutes later he sets the phone back on the coffee table and leans into Johnny, his forehead rests against Johnny's temple. He nuzzles there, smelling Johnny's skin and his hair and memorizing the feeling of comfort that this moment gives him.

"He was the first one there. In the clearing, after the TARDIS." He pulls away a little and threads his fingers up through Johnny's hair. This probably isn't a good topic to bring up, but it does explain neatly what Cole is to him. He huffs out a laugh that isn't particularly mirthful, but not lacking amusement entirely either. It's strange to him that such intense pain would bring someone like Cole into his life. It's an odd consolation, but not an unwelcome one. "He felt how I was feeling and came to see what was wrong."

[johnny_truant]

Well, Cole isn't the only one who has reserves about the so-called 'emojis'. Johnny smirks at the line full of cartoon faces and is about to say something to that effect when Gabe's weight is eased back against him, and all that becomes suddenly very unimportant. Johnny closes his eyes and smiles, just enjoying the moment for what it is, or trying to, trying to accept it with an open hand and not cling so tightly as to break it. It's nice. It's his. He lets his fingers curl and uncurl gently around Gabe's arm, not gripping, just a light, easy touch.

When Gabe pulls back and speaks again it's a little jarring, not just the loss of contact but what he's saying.

"Oh," says Johnny softly, and he can't keep his expression from slipping into something sad, or maybe uneasy. He's not sure what to say. He reaches up and takes Gabe's hand, pulling it gently from his hair and down to his mouth, kissing his knuckles. Stupidly romantic. Just feels like the thing to do.

"That must have been..." He's not sure what. Feels like a sentence he shouldn't even have started. His eyes dart down; he keeps a grip on Gabe's hand, waiting for him to fill in the blanks.