let's play a game where we don't touch the angel [open to multiple]

[bibliophale]

[Aziraphale, Book!Melanie, and Poetry!Spike are gonna be hanging out in his bookshop all day, so feel free to pop by! Melanie can see and hear you, and will communicate with you if you look at her pages. Spike is only able to speak in verse. And if you touch Aziraphale, you will be turned into a book. The choice is yours.]

Aziraphale sets Melanie down gingerly on the front counter, keeping her close. He looks around nervously. He can't touch anything. Can't have tea, can't have any of Sunshine's wonderful baked goods, can't read books. He's going to have to just stand here stoic and keep watch over his book girl.

He picks her up again and holds her around. "Here we are," he says, feeling rather foolish. Spike is due in at any moment, he hopes the vampire doesn't walk in now, as he's showing a book the bookstore. That would look very silly. He sets her back down and opens her up to a blank page. "I'll make sure no one tries to buy you. I'm very good at that. Don't worry."

This is going to be a long day.


[Reply to the post to interact with Aziraphale and/or Melanie, and to Spike's top level to interact with Spike. Time is complicated but it's gonna be okay we'll get through this.]

Comments

[respond to spike here, open to mult.]

[erratic_hematic]

Spike shows up a little later in the day and plops himself down behind the counter. Judging by the open door, Aziraphale's already in, so he'll probably talk with him later. For now, he grabs a book from the top of a pile and flips it open.

[bibliophale]

Aziraphale has just been showing Melanie the back room - she saw a version of it in his nightmare, and he'd much rather she know the proper, Satanless one - and as he steps back into the main part of the store he's got her open, looking down as she talks to him. He looks up and smiles when he notices Spike at the front.

"Oh, hullo," he says, approaching but not getting too close. The poor fellow is still suffering from his nutritional woes, but Aziraphale's been able to sustain him remotely, at least. "Feeling all right?"

He'll have to wait before introducing Melanie - not to mention explaining that.

[all_the_gifts]

There are so many books!

Part of her wishes she could wander around and look at the shelves and maybe pick something out and read it, but she wouldn't be here at all if she was capable of that, so she doesn't say (or write) as much. Besides, there's no shortage of books back at the flat.

The thought of someone trying to take her is a little disconcerting. She knows Aziraphale wouldn't let that happen, but it would be too bad if he had to turn someone else into a book in her defense. So far they seem to be the only two here, but that could change. I just won't say anything unless you introduce me, first, she decides.

And then Aziraphale's looking up and greeting someone she can't see. She goes blank, not wanting to appear to be some kind of magical book until she knows who they're dealing with (and if it's safe for her to say anything at all).

[erratic_hematic]

"Thanks, I'm just peachy," Spike answers, loaded with perhaps more sarcasm than strictly necessary. He's still worried about his condition- depending on friends for his health seems like a very precarious position to be in, and it makes him nervous. Mostly, the nervousness comes out in sarcasm.

He flips the book he'd been looking at closed and eyes the one Aziraphale is holding. Be nice to the bloke keeping you alive, Spike.

"What's that one?" He nods to it. "Nietzsche?" He's not...exactly sure why he guessed at that particular author. Aziraphale probably isn't very fond of Nietzsche, but it seemed like the right thing to say, regardless.

[bibliophale]

"Er..." What an odd guess. Rhymed, though. Maybe that was the joke? He looks down at Melanie. "Well, no. Er, listen, it's been a bit of an odd morning for me. There's something wrong." He shifts his weight, coming a little closer but still staying out of arm's reach. "It might be the rift's doing - I don't know what else it would be, actually - but everything I've touched today has turned into a book."

He really doesn't want to demonstrate. He hopes Spike takes this at face value.

"Including people. So best keep your distance." Not like Spike is very touchy, but nonetheless. He holds Melanie up. "This, er, this is Melanie, the girl who's staying with me. Melanie, this is Spike. I've mentioned him a few times."

He opens her up to show Spike her greeting. "She can still talk," he says. "She seems all right. I'm quite hopeful that we can fix this. I didn't really know what else to do but bring her here."

[all_the_gifts]

She's not sure how big her words appear, but since Spike is a little ways off, she makes an extra effort so he can read her easily from a distance.

Hello, Spike! It's nice to meet you. :)

[omnomnom_feels]

Perhaps it would have been wisest to simply wait for his present difficulties to run their course, but Rashad is mortal enough to require sustenance and he knows that if he waits too long to feed he will lose control of himself and likely kill one of the people around him. It was not so long ago, after all, that he unwisely attacked someone with a dangerous friend in the man's own home simply because he was too hungry to seek out a better target.

He is not so hungry now. He will solve this problem before he gets so hungry.

And that's why there's a former angel thumping the broken remains of a doorknob against the door of the bookshop. When the door opens on its own Rashad steps carefully inside, mindful not to brush against anything. Besides the doorknob clasped in one hand, he has his phone in the other, a set of keys stuck to an arm, and an assortment of fliers, lint, coins, and other small objects stuck to him wherever his skin isn't covered by his clothing.

"I require assistance," he says firmly.

[bibliophale]

Aziraphale only saw fit to open the door in such a fashion because he could feel the blasted eloim hovering outside. Best to find out what he wants, what could possibly have dragged him back here. Melanie's on the corner, set safely aside, so he folds his arms and eyes the creature disdainfully. Rashad looks like he's been rolling around on the ground, so covered with - well, not even grit. Objects. This must be his affliction of the day.

"What on earth do you think I can do for you?" he says rather unkindly. He's still sore about Rashad setting his new shop on fire.

[omnomnom_feels]

It is surprising how many objects one touches in a day, particularly when one engages in battle with the front door to one's apartment. His face is at least mostly clear, but his arms are a mass of flotsam and it is fortunate he was wearing long trousers when he first noticed his most recent troubles.

"My abilities have not had the desired effect," replies Rashad. The doorknob might look a bit scorched should Aziraphale examine it more closely, and Rashad isn't going to bother to demonstrate the utter lack of effect of going intangible. "I cannot function like this, and your abilities are less limited than mine."

[bibliophale]

"I am rather non-functional myself, today," says Aziraphale coolly. "And I do not see why you think I would help you after the trouble you've caused me."

He doesn't want to appear unreasonably cruel in front of Melanie, so for a bit of context he adds, "If you'll recall our last conversation, you still have rather a lot to learn about common courtesy and respect."

[omnomnom_feels]

Rashad considers Aziraphale's complaints, going silent for a few moments as it processes and he tries to decide what he must offer the angel in order to get what he wants. He finally settles on, "Please assist me," though he is dubious about the likelihood of it working.

[bibliophale]

Aziraphale sighs, exasperated. "I doubt very much that I can," he says. "What is it you want, anyway? To be rid of all this... debris?" He glances over the eloim dubiously. "How did this even happen?"

[omnomnom_feels]

"I fell over while breaking the door to my apartment," replies Rashad perfectly reasonably. "I do not wish to become attached to any more surfaces. It will be dangerous if I am unable to...function normally."

No need to actually explain, of course. It is better for Aziraphale not to know the details if he is truly unfamiliar with eloim.

[bibliophale]

Aziraphale narrows his eyes. "You may simply have to endure it like the rest of us," he says. "No one seems to be functioning normally today, why do you suppose you ought to get special treatment?"

[omnomnom_feels]

"Because it is dangerous," repeats Rashad. "When I was last unable to fulfill my ordinary functions the results were...undesirable. You will help me. If you are unable to do so now you will assist me in divining a method."

[bibliophale]

"Do not presume to command me," says Aziraphale haughtily. "I will do no such thing. You, rather, will leave my shop before I lose my patience." He gestures sharply toward the door.

[omnomnom_feels]

"I will not leave your shop," Rashad informs him firmly, stepping forward and reaching out a wrist to tap against Aziraphale's arm, knowing it will affix him to the angel as firmly as the doorknob and phone are affixed to his hands. "I will not leave you until you assist me --"

And then he's falling, utterly disoriented as a rain of miscellaneous small books clatters to the floor around him. Rashad lays on the floor and stares at the ceiling, stunned and confused about the sudden change in position and the loss of sensation from all the things that were stuck to him a moment ago. Did Aziraphale solve the problem? Rashad tries to lift a hand to look at it and see if it is empty, but nothing happens.

Why can I not move? asks the unseen front page of a closed book on the floor of Aziraphale's shop. Across its cover in block letters, the title reads NHODD.

[bibliophale]

"Wait-!" Aziraphale cries just an instant too late, trying to duck back but not able to keep the eloim from making contact. Well, down he goes, showered by other little books - apparently the transitive property applies here. Fantastic.

Aziraphale sighs and picks his way out from behind the counter, looking down at the book.

"Nhodd," he reads softly, only a little surprised, and only for a moment. "So that's your name."

He crouches down and flips open the cover.

"You've been turned into a book," he answers. "Just as anything you've touched today adheres to you, anything I touch becomes a book. Terribly sorry." He's not, at least not so terribly.

He reaches out to pick Rashad up, but finds he can't. He tries again, putting a greater amount of strength into it. Irritably, he tries to miracle the book onto the counter.

"It seems I wouldn't have been able to help you even if you had persuaded me," he says dryly. "You seem to be stuck."

[omnomnom_feels]

It has been some time since he heard the sound of his real name. It has been less time since he last made a mistake of this magnitude, and he bears Aziraphale's pulling with all the patience an emotionless, inanimate object can bring to bear while rethinking his life choices.

It is strange how he is not experiencing any of the sensations he would expect from being turned into a book, but on further reflection he decides that he does not know what sensations he would expect under these circumstances. This is not acceptable, he informs Aziraphale should the angel bother to read it. I am even less able to function in this format.

[bibliophale]

"Well," sighs Aziraphale. "I don't know what you want me to do. This is not something I'd have chosen, believe you me. It is likely some sort of... Rift trickery."

He straightens up. "Until someone works out a way to reverse the process I believe you are consigned to remain where you are, as you are. Unfortunately for both of us."

[omnomnom_feels]

Perhaps you should have told me sooner that I would be transformed into a book, the book points out. It will be troublesome if I become hungry in this form. I attempted to warn you.

[bibliophale]

"I attempted to warn you," says Aziraphale irritably. "I didn't think you would be so unreasonable as to just reach out and accost me." He frowns down at the inconvenient book. "If you get hungry I suppose you'll just have to be hungry."

[omnomnom_feels]

Rashad's page is blank for a moment. He is reluctant to clarify his reason for seeking help to return to normal rather than waiting it out attached to his door, but he finally displays a single word.

Dangerous.

Then, as an afterthought, he adds an equally pressing complaint:

Inconvenient.

[bibliophale]

"Yes, well." Aziraphale sighs and bends down to tip the cover shut. "I'm afraid we shall both have to forbear. I must shut you up now, lest some trip over you and tear your pages out. I shall check on you periodically."

Rather darkly satisfied by this turn of events, he returns to his desk.